As of last week, I’ve been a mom for SIX years. What? It’s definitely one of those “longest shortest time” moments where I feel like I’ve been a mom forever and yet it seems to have vanished in the blink of an eye.
When I sat down to write a few thoughts about the last six years of motherhood I got a little stuck. How do you put something so all-consuming into words? A nearly impossible task, for sure, but here’s my best attempt.
When I was pregnant with Ainsley, I remember being totally SHOCKED that as my belly grew, so did other parts of me. Poor, sweet, naive me. Nearly in tears over having to go and buy larger underwear. Why didn’t anyone tell me about this when they talked about the beauty of pregnancy and the miracle of life? Ha!
But really, it was just the first of many, many “why didn’t anyone tell me this?!” moments. And trust me, parenthood has so many of them.
Six years in and I’m thankful for who motherhood has made me. I’m a much different person than I was six years ago. While I wish I could say that I’m less selfish, I know that I’m just as selfish as ever. But through the grace of God, motherhood has given me daily (sometimes 200 daily) opportunities to set aside my own desires for the little people that have been entrusted to me.
I’m SO very thankful to be a mom to three of the best kids I know. While God certainly didn’t give me chill and mild-mannered kids (ha!) I marvel at their unique personalities and gifts. And that I get a front-seat view and role in helping shape them into who God is calling them to be.
Because this blog is also my journal, I’ll leave you with a little letter from me, to my biggest girl. I may be biased but I think she is the coolest kid around.
You are SIX, big girl! I’m so proud to be your mom. When I think of Ainsley, the first word I think of is “sparkle” because you bring a special little spark everywhere you go. You’re one-of-a-kind. Outgoing, kind, compassionate and a friend to everyone. Everyone in your world who is a stranger is just “a friend you haven’t met” and I marvel at your ever-present desire to be with people all the time.
In true oldest child fashion, you’re hard on yourself and want to do everything right, according to the rules, and how they “should” be. While I used to say you were just like your dad, as you get older I’ve realized you’re a lot more like me than I knew. It’s likely why we butt heads sometimes because we see the world in such similar ways, and the things that drive me nuts about you are also the things that drive me nuts about me. 😉
Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace. Know that there will never be anyone harder on you than you already are on yourself. Work to embrace the mistakes you’ll make along the way in this life, the things you aren’t as good at as others. Celebrate your unique gifting and abilities without feeling the pressure to conform.
We are so incredibly proud of you, Ainsley! You’re a buddy, a pal, and a friend, as we say. You’re the PERFECT oldest kid for our family and I have no doubt you will lead your siblings in the most wonderful way. Thank you for setting the bar high for Collins and Truett and for being such a gift to each one of us.
We love you!